“@jncohen once told me, “America is a place where the luxuries are cheap but the necessities expensive.””
- Sheryl: There's something I've wanted to ask you for some time now.
- Rust: What's that?
- Sheryl: When your term's up here, where will you go?
- Rust: You mean, do I have somewhere special I'm headed?
- Sheryl: Yes.
- Rust: There never has been, and there never will be.
Have you ever noticed that when you’re arguing with someone about how your iPhone is way better than their Droid, the other person downplays the flaws of their phone but makes yours sound worthless? This is called choice-supportive bias, where people exaggerate their opinions so their choices sound better than they actually are. Source
- tall, young, skinny, white dude: Here, ma'am, have my seat.
- middle-aged white lady: Someone raised you right.
- tall, young, skinny, white dude: Thank you, ma'am.
- me: (while reading a book) Yup, raised him right so he only gives his seat to white women.
- young, black woman with son in stroller: (smiles at me and nods)
Living off of the past is what so many people do. They can do this because their pasts are known and documented. What about the past of Ind!ans, Native Americans, Mexicans, Central and South Americans? History is written by those in control.
Dear hipster males, don’t wear tight clothing if it won’t fit you well. Wearing a medium shirt when an x-large one is the smallest size that will fit your large belly is a good example.
09/06/2014 - Mum likes the place and gave the O.K. to go after it. Funny how she likes the neighbourhood more than Forest Hills and Kew Gardens, claiming that this place seems more normal.
-Why is she the one who by ignoring me makes me want to pursue her more? Guess it has to do with me having a crush on her since she was taller than me.
-With what my mum told me about their, mum and pa, recent trip to FL to visit their eldest son, his wife, and the grandchild, they will not be going back to visit any time soon. They said it was no vacation. And with what my mum told me about how they were treated, the relationship between us (mum, pa, and me) and him (brother/son) has become irreparable. These are all things I predicted years ago, before my brother’s marriage. Nobody thinks I’m right until it is too late.
-Visited a dentist for the first time in years. Yes, years as in more than two years. Had a clean check up and was advised, as always, to floss. I hate flossing.
09/07/2014 - First time I woke up after 7:00am in a long time. Would have slept longer if someone didn’t make so much noise. Don’t know how I slept so long, the pills or the cranberry beer, but I need it more often.
09/09/2014 - What makes people think that they are guaranteed a seat on a bus or subway? You are lucky if transportation stops for you.
-Seeing middle-age S0uth !nd!an men running for a bus just to get a seat always makes me laugh. They can’t even take the time to push the door so it stays open for the next person. No wonder why so many of their kids are spoiled brats with attitudes.
Being “educated” doesn’t mean one is intelligent. The two are not synonymous.
09/14/2014 - Received an answer as to why she ignored my attempts to ask her out, the girl I’ve had a crush on since we were little. I understand her answer and respect her decision, though, I do believe it is incorrect. As much as I want to prove that she is wrong I shall not. There is no reason to since she made up her mind a long time ago without me doing anything and, no matter what I do and how hard I try I will never be able to convince her otherwise. I quit love last year, for whatever reason I made an exception this time (likely because I’ve had a crush on this girl since we were little) but that exception no longer exists so back to being a quitter.
-Gave up video games, love, collecting toys, riding a bike, coffee, and learning to cook better. Wonder what else I can give up.
-In other news, the inspection yesterday (09/13/2014) was good, nothing major was found. Now I have to wait and see and let the lawyers do their thing. Soonest I can move would be some time in mid to late November, if lucky. We wish the mausoleum was bigger but it is a cozy size. Yes, we call it a mausoleum because my mum and I know this is the end for me, as in there will be no reason for me to move to a bigger place.
Self-destruction tastes great and is low in calories!
09/17/2014 - Don’t get the girl (I remind her of an ex), don’t get the apt (it’s a condop that would be very difficult and costly to sell, rent, repair, etc.), and the girl who ruined work for my supervisor and me (but also led to a raise for us and a promotion for my supervisor) is now working for a better company, making more money, and still getting paid by this company because she is on a “2-week vacation”…will I ever win?
Spreading hate as if it is an STD.
09/21/2014 - There is nothing wrong with a crazy uncle promoting his baby niece’s unlady-like behaviour.
09/23/2014 - The collection increased by one. Decided to abandon trying because she has to check her schedule. Also, how can I compete with her past. While I don’t care about the boys she dated before, they, apparently, dictate her future. They were fools to let her go. I was stupid to believe I would have a chance. So I am going to focus on me. As much as I care for her, she doesn’t want me to, just like others.
-Gonna use my insomnia to get out. Get an apt. Get a better job. Create a good way to get myself into a body bag because I sure as heck won’t let anyone deprive me of that privilege. I earned that right.
Who is afraid of the dark?
Summer unofficially ends today.
Those who have died once can die again. No longer can I fight it.
“It came to seem to Louis that God, in His infinite wisdom, seemed much more generous when it came to doling out pain.” -narration from Pet Sematary, by Stephen King.
Bad idea to let a toddler name her baby sister. “Doggy.”
Behind the drinks I would forget that I existed, forget everything around me, and sink into a hole free from reality.
06/29/2014 - Ain’t gonna find a mausoleum in the area I want, or even close to it. Thinking of buying an RV or conversion van and just live in there.
06/30/2014 - My niece is the only one who smiles when she sees me. Thank you.
-Someone pulled the emergency brake during the afternoon commute. The E-train to 179th switched to an Express to Jamaica Centre because of it. The bus came but was slowed down frequently by triple parkers, people cutting off the bus, and 3 pullovers by the police.
-Surplus to requirements.
07/01/2014 - The streets were quiet. The US has failed.
-Prez 0b@m@ seems more like a pop icon than a pre$!dent.
07/03/2014 - Central AC is a must nowadays.
-Landon Donovan, the American Pele, a know-it-all loud-mouth who is Irrelevant.
07/04/2014 - Celebrating by sending applications for a new job.
-Should a mentally challenged person (brain capacity of a 5 year old) have a dog and not have that dog on a leash? The dog is a whippet, puppy.
-Pu$$ie$. This day shows how weak Amer!c@n$ are when compared to their counterparts decades ago.
-Shall we see what an absence of love can do to the world?
"He still couldn’t grasp how she could have betrayed him. He had felt happy with her, and she had shared her warmth with him. But she deceived him about who she really was. She had acted the same way as the man who had hit her and dragged her by the hair.” -Molo’s narration from Daniel, by Henning Mankell
07/06/2014 - Don’t bother with dating sites when you’re not a White Male because that is the kind of guy women want. The married or single part doesn’t matter.
07/07/2014 - To live in this world alone is terrible but I have done it for decades now. A few more years won’t do any more harm. That is all that is left.
-Finished 2 books in one day; The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and Vampire Hunter D Volume 19: Mercenary Road. Don’t what to begin reading next.
07/09/2014 - Played with a little baby on the way back. He or she had bat ears, two teeth on the bottom, little hair, and was so cute. When I got back I drank alone with my thoughts. Should have eaten dinner but didn’t feel like making anything.
07/10/2014 - If you’re going to throw me under the bus then I’m going to take as many of you humans with me.
-I need to get a new job or, at least, transfer to an office with better weather.
-One tends to want to live when one has a life to live.
-Do happy parents have happy babies? I base this theory on my brother and his family because my niece is almost always happy and my brother and his wife seem genuinely good together. May their happiness last through the ages.
07/14/2014 - Want to finish The Tommyknockers by September.
07/16/2014 - Who I once was is very different from what I am now.
07/17/2014 - They believe the lies that corporate or management shoves down their throats way too much.
-I could have been nice but why should I. I am alone there, except for my supervisor. Though we are very different, we share some similarities.
-Decided to stop writing “nonsense.” No girl wants to hear that stuff from me, instead, desiring for words like those to come from anyone else. So be it, go hear them from others (not in generic songs, books, movies, or shows but personally written and dedicated to you), if you can, for I shall never write like that again.
07/18/2014 - Singing contest with my 15 month old niece. I won this time. First time I’ve been h@ppy in months. Too bad it never lasts.
07/20/2014 - Killed three flies today, one bare-handed. Also had some fun driving. It was not a good day today.
More roles for women, how about more roles for minorities (not just blacks, Latins, and Chinese/Japanese/Koreans) that aren’t stereotypical.
Size doesn’t matter, color does.
“In short, I view human beings as a malignant tumor, unfit to live.” -Baronet Drago Dorleac, from Vampire Hunter D Vol. 19: Mercenary Road
Hatred like this never forgets, never forgives, and never ceases.
07/26/2014 - What a crazy week it was. Because someone got way too greedy and couldn’t keep quiet, my supervisor and I may benefit. We’ll know officially in about two weeks.
-Ended up killing well over 50 flies this week.
-At this rate, I’ll be buying a new vehicle before I buy my own place. The NYC real estate market sucks unless you have money to burn (gut job and rebuild), willing to compromise (Co-op or Condop), or you don’t care (ain’t picky).
07/27/2014 - Being second means being last. It took a long time but I finally convinced me mum of this fact. She’s angry but I am not the object of her rage.
07/29/2014 - Expendables 3 is better than 2 but not as good as 1.
-Supervisor was out sick today. Made me realize how further alone I am. Oh well, cash is king in this country.
07/30/2014 - Got confirmation about the change but I’ll believe it when I see it. This, if it happens, will be the first time this has ever happened to me.
-I miss her but she’s the one who wants nothing to do with me so…
08/01/2014 - Godzilla (2014) wasn’t close to being as good as I wanted it to be or expected.
-Today is the day it should officially begin. I shall see next week.
08/5/2014 - They officially announced my supervisor’s promotion. It was one that took way too long to come about.
08/07/2014 - I gave up and I have to stick to it.
-Corp changes its mind way too many times.
-What does popping pimples and wiping it in your hair, scratching your butt/fixing a wedgie and sniffing your fingers afterwards, and picking your nose and wiping the snots on your pants all have in common? The answer is that these acts were all done by a young J3wish guy during the subway commute home. What made this gross sight funny were the two bottles of travel-size hand-sanitizers that were hanging on his backpack.
08/08/2014 - No change seen on paycheck. Perhaps the next time around?
08/09/2014 - I have lost about 15 pounds since I started working here. Those days when I was entirely by myself, doing double if not triple duty, and losing my appetite, thus not eating lunch, really helped.
-Finished reading No Exit. Not bad for a book I had to read for school but not a book I want to read again.
“I’m not built for living, I don’t know what life is and I don’t need to know. I’m in the way, I haven’t found the right place for myself and I get on everyone’s nerves. Nobody loves me, nobody trusts me.” - Hugo from Dirty Hands, by Jean-Paul Sartre
08/22/2014 - I am now part of the low-middle class or part of the upper-lower class. Hooray?
-Saw a friend/crush for the first time in months. Wish we were seeing each other under better circumstances but it was still good to see each other. I even was able to make her laugh and smile.
-A pet vet next to a pet grooming salon next to an all-you-can-eat hibachi buffet…this seems perfectly normal to me in New York.
08/23/2014 - Mostly spent the morning and early afternoon watching motorcycle building/reality shows with my mum. This brought back memories for us.
08/25/2014 - Spoke with Ms. Mimi, finding out how she and her family and friends and lil Eli are fairing after the quake. She’s doing well, going on a trip soon. I miss her but am thankful that she lets me play a small part in her life. She so kicks ass. The last time we spoke was around her birthday, I think. Really need to speak with her, and others, more often.
08/26/2014 - I wish it was a 1-br and slightly bigger, about 500 sq ft at least. I can live with the location and small bathroom and kitchen. Eh, we shall see. At least it was move-in ready and not ridiculously overpriced.
08/29/2014 - Living, perhaps, in an apt. the size of my parents’ garage somewhere not in Queens may not be a bad thing. I don’t have to see certain people I don’t want to see be around strangers who are way too strange even for me.
-Met a couple who live in Hawaii but are on vacation in NYC. That seemed so strange to me. Saw a person, also, who wrapped facial tissue around the subway pole before holding it and avoided contact with others in the subway car but who also picked his nose while during the trip.
08/31/2014 - Finished a large/long book before September. Too bad it wasn’t the book I wanted to finish, The Tommyknockers, though, I did want to reread this book since I did not finish reading it the first time around. Finishing this large/long book (Battle Royale) still counts for something because I started reading it about three weeks ago…I need a life.
-What does it mean if you lose in your dreams? Don’t know if it is the pills or something else that is causing these bad dreams.
-Guess I still miss her. I wonder how she is doing. I would contact her but she wouldn’t respond and I fear that she is either engaged or already married, which her lousy boyfriend should have done a long time ago, the engagement part. Whatever, she told me to go away and I shall fulfill her desire.
“Nobody is waiting for me anywhere. I wander from city to city, a stranger to all others and to myself, and the cities close again behind me like the waters of a pool.”
from The Flies, Jean-Paul Sartre
“-what am I but an empty shell? Some creature has devoured me unawares, gnawed out my inner self. And now, looking within, I see I am more dead than Agamemnon. Did I say I was sad? I lied. Neither sad nor gay is the desert - a boundless waste of sand under a burning waste of sky. Not sad, nor gay, but - sinister.”
Aegistheus, from The Flies by Jean-Paul Sartre
“I am a mere shadow of a man; of all the ghosts haunting this town today, non is ghostlier than I…The passions of the living were never mine.”
Orestes, from The Flies by Jean-Paul Sartre